Earlier this month, on a crisp, cold day, I stood on the side of a road in my county near the place where a 24-year-old Black man had been shot and killed by two police officers a few weeks prior. Volunteering with family members whose loved ones have been killed or brutalized by police violence, the stories I hear cause me so much confusion. How can it be true police alter reports about what happened? How can they not provide medical care, or not inform families of loved one’s deaths, or require outrageous payments for public records? Are the police an intentional evil cabal? Or is law enforcement a poorly run old institution founded in outdated thinking?
A practice I follow called The Pathwork names three principles of the forces of evil:
separation
materialism
confusion, distortion, and half-truths.
As a human species, we perhaps have been more aware of the first two principles in recent evolutionary time, but the third force has really reared its head these past few years, hasn’t it? For most of us, the confusion, distortions, and half-truths — about the pandemic, vaccines, police, government operatives, climate change, billionaire takeovers, wars and protests abroad, you name it — have caused so much stress, anger, and confusion, we often fall into more separation and division, and also perhaps soothe or numb ourselves with material things.
At the demonstration along the side of the road, I brought up my confusion about half-truths to an admired educator, activist, and poet, Walidah Imarisha. She said to me, “You know, people wondered after Hurricane Katrina what happened to the levees. Conspiracy theorists said the government blew up the levees on purpose. Others said the levees failed because of neglect. But whatever is true, the outcome is the same.”
Whether people with power purposefully blew up or neglected the levees, the devastation and trauma are the same. Whether police actively followed and chased down a Black man working to reform others getting out of prison, or whether the traffic stop went awry, the devastation and trauma are the same.
On this last day of 2022, I dare say I have gained a tiny bit of hindsight about the past couple of difficult years. And this hindsight only means I have more ability to tolerate my confusion, more capacity to live with questions and distortion, and more commitment than ever to focusing on my small personal outcomes.
Here are some questions I ask to measure my outcomes. How am I doing in my immediate relationships? Am I separated from my community and if so what can I do about that? Am I stressed only about material things? Am I so sure of my truth that I yell about how your truth is a lie? I acknowledge all these questions will yield both positive and negative answers, but when it comes to the negative responses, I can also ask what actions can I take for a remedy, where do I need to make amends?
This year, I committed to sending out one tiny newsletter post a quarter. I am currently traveling and distracted with family stuff and also a little over-stuffed in the belly and brain, but I am keeping my commitment for the sake of personal accountability and for the sake of risk. For as long as my actions risk continued growth and vulnerability, I believe my outcomes will move away from devastation and trauma and toward connection and healing.
I hope this newsletter builds community and conversation and even clearer hindsight. If you’ve subscribed and/or read this far, please know, I am most grateful you are here, and I would love most of all to hear how you have been working with confusion, distortions, and half-truths as of late.
I also hope your new year is full of tolerance, nonviolence, and peace. May we all loosen our bonds from the three principles of evil and truly be Free to Be You and Me in 2023.
Thanks Nancy. Your words help me to connect with what’s happening not only in the world, but how it relates to what’s happening in my inner world. Lots to think on. XOXOXOX
Personal responsibility is, as you know, the primary focus of Pathwork. It is a gift to walk the path with you and wrestle together with ‘how am I like that and how do I do that, and how do I not solidify into conclusions, and how can I discern drama and yet avoid it? Thanks for being my accountability buddy. And doing your great work like this newsletter. I love your transparency and vulnerability.